Friday, August 24, 2012

Well, I Guess You Could Call it a Simulacrum...

Shalom, chaverim! We've been sweating away here in beautiful Nahariya, and our poor old apartment's electrical system is beginning to give up the ghost. Last night two of the breakers blew, which left us without lighting in the kitchen or air conditioning in the living room. Elul tried to flip the breaker back into the "on" position, only to be greeted with a huge blue spark that illuminated the hallway. The smell of burnt electrical wiring arose, which is not a good thing. Even though it still worked, we were reluctant to use the electric stove. If that breaker had also blown, we would have been without a working stove, microwave, or refrigerator, which means spoiled food and having to go out to eat. Boiled hotdogs for dinner it was, then--cooked on a gas stove illuminated by my super-chic Petzl (!) headlamp!

Fortunately, we found an electrician willing to come see us this morning. He did a temporary fix, but he will be returning next week to do a complete rewire of the electrical system. Our landlords have been very good about it and are not arguing about getting it repaired immediately, thank goodness. Hooray, I'll finally be able to use the washer AND the dryer AND the air conditioning AND the computers, all at the same time!

In other domestic news, I've been able to pull off a hat-trick of multi-purposing, dumpster diving, and frugal living. After my Israeli public debut as a torch singer last month, I thought it would be a good time to dust off my trusty baby Casio "keyboard" to pick out some more tunes. I put "keyboard" in quotes because it's a tacky little three-octave, battery-powered, orange specimen of a keyboard, not a magnificent 88-key Korg, or a Bechstein baby grand. But my old, flimsy keyboard stand had broken years ago, and I'd never bothered to replace it. So I went to Nahariya's local and most excellent music store, and got a super-duper, really sturdy keyboard stand.

I'd had delusions of keyboard grandeur, though, because when I took it home and put it up, my tiny keyboard was too short to rest on the stand. I also needed a writing surface in that room, since I intend to make it my music studio. Elul loudly and consistently objects to two of my favorite activities on a routine basis: collecting clutter and spending money to purchase clutter, so I knew that campaigning for a separate desk was going to be a non-starter. Hmm, what to do?

Coming home that evening from meeting friends at Cafe Aroma, I nearly tripped over the answer. Next to a dumpster, partially blocking the sidewalk, was a stack of beautiful wardrobe doors and shelves. I sweet-talked Elul into carrying one of the doors home, and after he removed the hardware and some nails, I now have a perfectly functional desk/keyboard stand. The cats love jumping on it, too, so I suppose it serves a third purpose as a kitty gymnasium piece. Our friends suggested covering it in leatherette to make it look really cool, but I know that any kind of covering other than paint will immediately turn it into just another scratching post for the cats. So now my next artistic/DIY task is to find primer that will work on laminate, and when the board is primed I'm going to go crazy with my stash of acrylic paints and decorate it like mad. Stay tuned!

Astute readers will recognize my other dumpster treasure: the found chair which I have "decorated" with an old remnant that I was too lazy to ever hem.

Finally, I've been debating with myself whether to post the following picture or not. I thought it was hilarious, but for my gentle readers who are sensitive to somewhat graphic images, you may wish to stop reading NOW. I'll give you some blank space in which to leave this blog until next week.

OK, they're gone! Now for my "earthier" readers who have stayed with me, here it is. A few weeks ago, I woke up and noticed that a peculiar image had appeared, overnight, on our white, sheer bedroom drapes. I honestly had no idea how it had gotten there, but it had a sepia-tone quality that reminded me of the Shroud of Turin. The image was far baser and less holy than the Shroud of Turin, though; nor was it like the face of the Virgin Mary showing up on a piece of toast. But it is a simulacrum of sorts. Here it is.

Did the pagan god "Ur" come to visit us at night? Is he trying to tell us something?

After the shock and awe had worn off, my analytical brain began to function again. I figured out that the air conditioner condensation had leaked into the boxed valence mechanism, and rusty water had dripped down onto the drape in that extraordinary pattern. Aha! The question is, what would a feng shui expert say about this giant floating phallus hanging in our bedroom window? What do you think, readers? Should I try to clean the drapes, or leave it for it's "positive male energy" contribution and to get cheap laughs from guests? I'm tending towards the latter, of course!

Shabbat shalom, everyone!

1 comment:

  1. Oh I say leave it up and may you and Elul have many happy years together enjoying its positive energy! LOL!


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